The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
