Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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