well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
one might say we're banned from that church
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
