How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
