my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
