If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Randomize
