why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
