I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
