Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
