I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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