Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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