You can't special order awesome
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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