is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
