im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You are the jesus of drinking
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
