Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
