I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
