I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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