it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
