don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
