dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
