My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
