I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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