True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
