I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
