Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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