Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You were trust falling into bushes
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
