woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
