Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We have started to decorate penises.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
