Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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