when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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