Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
