So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
