i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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