well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
