She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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