I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
