I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
