you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
