I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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