onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
