I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
