He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
