Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
