At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
