Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
