when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
