found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Are we still banned from the library?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
