i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
