1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
