i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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