oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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