Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
